You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Take Them Both and There You Have . . .

So it's that time of year again. The taking-stock time. The thinking-it-over time. The making-plans time. The looking-back-and-then-ahead time.

This year feels too big, too chockfull of life events. But in thinking it over, there were really only two big events. The birth of my daughter. And moving away from what had become home. One incredibly happy, one incredibly sad. But both changed everything.

For me, it was a year of being alone. I spent more time by myself this year than I ever have. Whether it was time in my apartment in San Francisco while my baby napped or time working away in my home office in Seattle, I have never spent so much time without the company of others. It isn't necessarily bad, it is just different.

Here, in this new place, my world is small. There, in my old place, my world was big, bursting at the seams almost.

So what will next year bring? I don't know. But I hope my world gets a little bigger here. And I hope (against hope) that maybe (just maybe) parts of my old world will come to (and maybe stay in?!) my new world!

Here's to hoping that 2007 brings happiness to us all. I raise my glass of champagne to you all and wish you Happy New Year!

Taking Stock - The Good & The Bad of 2006

At the start of this year, I had high hopes that 2006 would turn out to be a much better year than 2005. 2005 was particularly bad. And September was a particularly bad month that year. It prompted me to want to skip that month entirely & just jump from August to October. Now the year is coming to a close, and I've become inspired by all the magazines that are summarizing the year's highs and lows. I thought I'd try to do the same here:

The Good:
- I realized that I was capable of feeling for someone again.
- I got out of my dating rut.
- I made a new friend who I think will become one of the long-term, good, girlfriends.
- I now have a brother-in-law.
- I finally took a week off from work & went on vacation.
- I've become closer to people in my family I didn't really know before. We all seem to appreciate each other more these days.
- I've started to make more time for myself every day.
- My good friends from NOLA have moved to town & made living here a lot more fun.

The Bad:
- TJH2 moved away.
- I got dumped -- in September, of course. Should have kept with the rule & skipped the month.

On balance, after reviewing the above, I'm going to have to give 2006 better marks than I thought I would. But at the same time, it hasn't felt like a year where the good has well outweighed the bad. Possibly because the bad has happened more recently. More likely, the bad has just hurt more than the good has felt good. Here's hoping that 2007 is a very good year. I'm due for one.

In defense of the sidelines

Lately it seems the theme of every television show I watch, conversation that I have, book that I read, espouses the notion that it is just absolutely, unbelievably important to just "get in the game." I hate sports analogies first of all. But this whole "get in the game" business has me thinking that everyone is completely overlooking how wonderful the sidelines can be. You're unlikely to get hurt on the sidelines, but you can get really hurt playing the game. Sure the game can be fun, but sometimes it's awful, and painful, and no fun at all. You miss that with the sidelines. Other things happen on the sidelines too. It's not like you're just sitting there. Maybe you end up doing something you never would have otherwise because you didn't "get in the game" and discovered something else there on the side. I'm not saying the game is meritless. I'm simply saying that there really isn't much wrong with sitting it out once in a while. Right now, I'm over it.

Things I learned from my Father

So I am *loving* that this list thing is getting everyone posting again & decided to milk a good thing. I loved reading your lists of "little known facts" and thought I'd tag onto the last "fact" that CLC came up with -- that she loves meeting other people's families. Y'all have met mine -- at least superficially in the cocktail party setting. Because that's not a true glimpse into the person, I thought I'd list things I learned from my father. (Coming soon -- things I learned from my mother & sister.) I look forward to yours!

Things I learned from my father.

1. How to drive.
2. That chicken wings can be a really good meal.
3. That it's fine to be a little messy, the world won't end.
4. The art of public speaking.
5. What to look for in real estate.
6. To look it up.
7. To love theater music.
8. That cinnamon gum is good to keep in your car. Preferably Big Red.
9. How to debate and have an opinion.
10. That he misses his father.
11. That he's proud of me.
12. How to just sit still and enjoy someone else's company without talking.
13. How to "do museums" -- an hour is about right even for the biggies like the British Museum, the Met and the Louvre. After that you lose steam and get too tired to appreciate anything.
14. That "he who has the gold makes the rules."
15. How to mingle.
16. That the key to a good party is keeping people's drinks refilled.
17. How to stand up for myself.
18. That I don't want a relationship that mimics his with my mom.
19. The importance of family, even if you don't like them.
20. That Casablanca is a fabulous movie.
21. That New York is a great city.
22. That it's okay with him if I don't do anything traditional.
23. That culture is important.
24. So is going to a ballgame and having a hot dog.
25. That leasing a car might not be economic, but you'll always drive something nice and that's worth something sometimes.
26. So is not having a car payment. So it's a toss up.
27. Pack light - you're never going to Siberia.
28. To call your mother.
29. That he'll never totally "get" me and that's fine with me - he tries.
30. That he'll always think I'm smarter than my sister, even if that isn't true, because I'm more like the son he never had.
31. That he confides in me.
32. That it's important to keep secrets. Not because he's good at it. But because he's bad at it.
33. That life can happen to you and there's no telling ahead of time how it will turn out.

ReaLIST

Some things, about me, that no one knows. Hmmm. My first response to such a question is, well, there is nothing that fits that description. But maybe that isn't the case.

Some things:

1. I love syndicated television. I watch old episodes of Frasier every night before I go to bed, and old episodes of Angel every morning when I wake up.

2. I realize I am a narcissist. I may be a self-deprecating narcissist, but I am a narcissist nonetheless.

3. Somehow, I think that admitting early and often to my flaws (the narcissism amongst them) absolves me for being blamed for them.

3.5. Yes, number 3 above is ridiculous.

4. I would like to be a writer, because writing makes me happy, but I do not think I could provide for even my most basic needs doing so.

5. I don't think I want kids, but I am open to the idea that I might change my mind. However, I have a feeling that, with all that I have done to my body over the years, I am not going to be able to.

6. Right now, I find Justin Timberlake *really, really* attractive, however, two years ago, I thought he looked like a shorn chicken (plucked chicken?). On the other hand, I used to think that Brad Pitt was really sexy, and now I find him completely uninspiring.

7. My weight problem, so to speak, is not literal poundage, but rather that I can't seem to ignore it. And the attention I pay to my body image is oftentimes debilitating. And I don't mean in the times when I am too thin for my frame, but rather when I am probably circling around the puffy side of normalish, but I feel so distended and awful, it makes it difficult for me to participate in my life like a normal person. At such times, I feel like a linebacker in comparison to *everyone* around me and all I want to do is hide. I fight it, but it is what I think about 90% of the time.

8. Somehow I manage to hold on to an exceptional group of friends. This always gives me hope that I am a better person than I think I am; and they inspire me to keep working on trying to be a better, less selfish and more giving person. I am lucky to have them. It cannot be said enough.

9. I really like to give advice. I am very cognizant that this is an exceedingly odd habit for someone who has an awfully hard time following it.

10. The best part of my job is not how much money I make, but rather that it allows me not to have to think about money.

11. I have a very odd relationship with my family. We can all go months (and some, years) without speaking to one another, even when in close proximity, and that is just status quo. And when we do interact, the results are often quite rocky. This is not much of a surprise I think to those who know me now, however, what might be more surprising is that my siblings and I were very, very, very close growing up (i.e. till I left for college). We hung out together all the time and, though most of us were pretty social, we were each others closest friends. We also spent a fair amount of time with our parents, dysfunctional as they may be, as there was family dinner at least 4 or 5 nights a week. I miss that.

12. In the three years I have lived here, I still have never taken the bus in the City in which I live.

13. I re-read every e-mail I send after I send it.

14. Should I ever happen to get married, Britney Spears will be played at my reception. No exceptions.

15. I believe in God, but I am not particularly religious. Religious zealotry scares me.

16. I worry and stress a lot, but in the end, I regret very little. There are a couple of things though that I wish mightily that I could change. I am working on one of them now.

17. I am messy.

18. I really enjoy movies, television shows, and books with endings I do not expect.

19. I love meeting other people's families.