Punched

Marius No. 2 is getting married this weekend. He told me this morning. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I don't like the girl much and not because she's with him. I just don't see him being happy with the kind of girl that she is. But all of that is beside the point, because, well, this post is all about me, right?! I have had other ex-boyfriends and a few of them have married after being with me. It's never bothered me before. Sure, I've checked out the available online registry (oh you know you all do that) and made fun of her poor taste, but never really cared. It was a "point of interest", a historical fact. In the cases where I knew the ex really was looking for a girl to settle down with, the news made me smile. Seriously. I've been involved with a number of people who were looking for the traditional life, which I was never going to provide for them. We've parted as friends and moved on with our lives. Today's news hurt. I loved him once. Really loved him and he didn't pick me. It ended long ago now so of course the picking isn't in present tense. But I still wonder what it was that made him run and not stay all those years ago. We are different people now, but back then it was different. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. We've talked and there isn't a good answer to the question of what went wrong. Maybe that's what's so hard. We didn't end for a good reason. We talked about the why several years later and cried together. We had moved on by then and getting back together wasn't a real option. So now he's marrying this crazy girl. I still can't believe it.