Baby, I'm not angry anymore . . . (that's the lyrics to some song, right?)

I have been singing this line in my head for days now. I've been at the new gig for about a month and I am amazed at how much I've changed. Or maybe not really changed, but gotten back to the person I was "before" private practice. I'm not angry anymore. Angry is probably too strong of a word, but I lived in a world where I was constantly aggressive. If not outwardly, then I seethed with internal aggression. If anyone working on a project of mine made a mistake, I clenched up with anger and fear. If I made a mistake, I didn't sleep for days. I never let it on. I kept smiling and did the "good manager" bit where I'd smile and say something to placate the situation. Some expression of how things always work out, but people make mistakes. Little things angered me beyond ration. If the car wash at the gas station did not accept my code, I became apoplectic. I had no tolerance for the quirks of my family members. I wanted mostly, more than anything, in my spare time to be left alone. Perhaps the scary thing is that I didn't realize any of this until recently. I've always considered myself to be self-aware, but somehow I let the fact of law firm life escape my truly critical analysis. I accepted it as a way of life. It seemed normal to me. Everyone around me accepted it, and seemingly more willingly than I. In the days since I left I have become calmer. I had a "car wash" incident the other day -- same deal, code didn't work. I didn't care. I calmly dealt with it like a rational human being instead of a crazed, stressed out person that I had become. My patience level with my family has increased ten-fold. I spent the weekend with the extended clan recently and had a great time. We all got along and teased each other. I didn't take the comments as a personal dig at my lifestyle. I just laughed. I am not angry anymore and that is such a good thing for everyone.