"It's Not You, It's Me" & the other lies people tell

I am having trouble understanding why it is that people are so incapable of telling others the truth, particularly people they are dating or do not wish to date anymore. What is so hard about telling someone "You know, this just isn't working out, I liked you when we met, but my hopes that you were the one for me didn't pan out. Hope you and I both find what we're looking for." I know that is difficult to say. I know the other person would be "hurt" in the moment it was said. I know confrontation is difficult. People fear yelling, screaming, "scenes," tears, everything. But is that any worse than dragging out the pain? By not telling someone the above, hope lingers. When instead of the blunt truth, you're told "it's not you, it's me, I just am -- fill in the blank here -- not into dating right now, need some time alone, blah blah blah" it is easy to think "maybe." Maybe this will continue. Maybe he'll call one day. Maybe I shouldn't delete his phone number from my cell phone. Maybe sucks. And maybe invariably leads to the discovery at some point down the road that there is no maybe. Maybe has become never. As in "it is you, not him" and the things he said to let you down easily were not true. And you're hurt all over again. Thus, what started as a theoretically kind thing to do turns into something much more hurtful because he keeps hurting you. What's even worse is that most of the time, you weren't that into him either, but perhaps you were a bit more hopeful and not quite ready to pull the trigger. So he beat you to it and let you down easily but kept the hope alive. Maybe one day I'll tell someone I'm dating to read this blog when we're together. And I'll point to this post and direct him to rip the band-aid off instead of telling me on a Sunday, in a park that's covered with trees.

100 Posts!

Just signed in & noticed we have 100 posts. If this were television, we'd have hit our 100th episode, which, I think, is a really big deal. Yay!

(this is, of course, no. 101)

Summer reading list

It's summer again. You'd never know it in this foggy city, so I've put a lot of weekends on calendar where my plan is to escape to the sun and to the sand. Ever since I was a kid, I've loved that summer means long hours of being able to read. Winter does too, technically, since what's better than sitting in with a cup of hot chocolate reading a novel while it's storming outside. Maybe only a beach read. A really junky, fun, book that you just don't want to put down. I've picked up a few things at the bookstore lately, but the following is a short list of what I want to buy next. My "summer reading list" (ahhh, the lists again). It's a far cry from "Catcher in the Rye," and "To Kill a Mockingbird" -- the classic school summer reading picks.

1. Drop Dead Beautiful - Jackie Collins

I've never actually read Jackie Collins (or Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts or any of those super-market novels), but I saw her interviewed on T.V. recently and she just sounded like a fun girl. She's probably well into her 70s and a bit too old to be a fun girl. But she strikes me as the sort of diva-ish woman who is really comfortable with herself. The kind of old-lady I want to be. And the book sounded fun, so it made the list.

2. The Diana Chronicles - Tina Brown

Diana is one of those "love her or sick of her/don't get it" characters. I happen to find her fascinating. She chose the wrong kind of guy (the unavailable man who was in love with someone else) and ended up living a short, but glamorous life. I read all the People magazine coverage of her; stayed up late to watch her wedding; stayed up late again to watch her funeral. I don't always go for the biography/scandal books, but I like Tina Brown and sense she'll do this one right.

3. Harry Potter & the Deathly Hollows - J.K. Rowling

I just love, love, love the Harry Potter books. After decrying them at first as "rubbish," and then refusing to admit I was reading them while smuggling them to and from work on the train inside a magazine or a paper-bag cover, I now freely admit to absolutely loving those darn books. I don't think good old JK will kill off Harry, but I want to be one of the first to find out. Alexander's Books will deliver a copy to anyone who pre-orders and lives in the city so the fans can have a dose of Harry with their breakfast cereal and coffee. I may take them up on it.

4. Michael Tolliver Lives - Armistad Maupin

I must find out what happened to Michael Tolliver, Mary Ann Singleton, Brian Hawkins and the rest of the gang that fictitiously inhabited my neighborhood in the 70s and 80s. If you have not read Tales of the City (the complete series and not just the first book) you are completely missing out. Just one of the greatest serials ever.

Now, my usual question to all of you -- what's on your list?

Yours, Mine & Ours

1. What is your occupation? Another one of those lawyer-types.

2. What color are your socks right now? No socks - and worse no pedicure (or rather excessively old pedicure - agh! TMI)

3. What are you listening to right now? Frasier on the TV in the background.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Sliced apple and almond butter.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Indeed - my first car was an orange '82 Subaru hatchback - stick (and no FM radio or power steering)

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My brother (the middle one) -- we had a friendly disagreement about cake.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Hmmmm. Just kidding. It goes without saying that I am a big fan!!!

8. How old are you today? 29.

9. Favorite drink? Sangiovese, sugar-free hazelnut soy latte, chai tea.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? 3 guesses. Some sort of team sport. Let's put it this way, the all-star game is here next week and it is my equivalent of the Oscars. Love me some baseball.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Never dyed it all one other color, but have been highlighting it since I was sixteen.

12. Pets? No - partly a fear of commitment, and partly because 30 is on the horizon and it is a slippery slope to becoming the crazy cat lady.

13. Favorite food? Rice.

14. What was the last movie you watched? In the theater -- Lucky Number Slevin. On Demand - Children of Men.

15. What's your favorite day of the week? Now there are so many to choose from (was not always so), but I think I have to go with the general favorite - Saturday.

16. How do you vent anger? Writing and/or crying.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Any book by Roald Dahl (is it any surprise I was a fat kid?)

18. What is your favorite season? Fall (Sept - Dec).

19. Hugs or kisses? Mmmm, besitos. :) But I wouldn't turn down a hug either.

20. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries.

21. Living arrangements? 3 closets (two walk in), 2 pieces of nice art, hardwood floors, not enough dresser space, and 1 roommate.

22. When was the last time you cried? April.

23. What is on the floor of your closet? Gift wrapping materials.

24. What did you do last night? Gym, dinner with LuLu, cable car ride home, draft letter to Iraq.

25. Favorite smells? Need to second the fresh laundry concept. Would also put in a good word for Dolce and Gabbana cologne. Mmmm, boy smell (man, I need to get out).

26. What are you afraid of? Being disliked (and deserving it).

27. Favorite dog breed? Brussels Griffon.

28. How many states have you lived in? Four (sort of) - Massachusetts (Cambridge), New York (Great Neck/Manhattan for a summer), Illinois (Chicago), California (Bay Area).

29. Favorite holiday? Another vote for Thanksgiving.

My list (or why I stopped worrying and learned to love . . . blogs?!)

1. What is your occupation? Lawyer

2. What color are your socks right now? No socks - it's summer!

3. What are you listening to right now? Quiet.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Triscuits and gouda

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yep. And I love it!

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Hmm - my mom, I think.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course.

8. How old are you today? 32.

9. Favorite drink? coffee, red wine, dirty vodka martini with extra olives

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? pro-football

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep - since I was 19!

12. Pets? Nope

13. Favorite food? all fruit.

14. What was the last movie you watched? Little Children - I'll watch anything with Kate Winslet (except Titanic, I hate Titanic). The book was better than the movie. But I still love Kate Winslet.

15. What's your favorite day of the week? Saturday

16. How do you vent anger? I slam doors.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? I liked my dolls and my dress-up clothes. I especially liked dressing up my younger brothers to play parts in my "plays."

18. What is your favorite season? Spring and fall.

19. Hugs or kisses? Depends whose giving them - from my nearest and dearest? Kisses. From others? Hugs for sure.

20. Cherries or Blueberries? yes please!

21. Living arrangements? Husband, kid, rented townhouse/house thing.

22. When was the last time you cried? End of May.

23. What is on the floor of your closet? clothes.

24. What did you do last night? watched TV, read a good book.

25. Favorite smells? Fresh laundry.

26. What are you afraid of? Heights.

27. Favorite dog breed? Labs and retrievers, but I like lots of dogs.

28. How many states have you lived in? Four - New York, North Carolina, California, Washington.

29. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving.

Just Because It's Fun

Here's the latest version of the chain e-mail with 20 questions about you. I'll start and hopefully y'all will answer too.

1. What is your occupation? Lawyer (or do we say "Attorney"? I've never known).

2. What color are your socks right now? I don't wear socks unless I'm at the gym. Even in the middle of winter. I hate socks. They bunch down around your feet and make your shoes too big or too slippery.

3. What are you listening to right now? Good Morning America. I Love GMA. It's so old lady. I also love Regis & Kelly (Kelly wears the best clothes & is funny. Regis kind of annoys me though) and I'm concerned about what will happen with The View. Ridiculous, I know. Habit I got into a long time ago & it's hard to kick.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Beet salad, steak and strawberry shortcake. It was delicious.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? In an emergency, yes. On a daily basis, no. I understand the mechanics, but have trouble executing. And I've never owned a stick shift so I really haven't had to practice.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The guy I was dating for a while.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes.

8. How old are you today? 32. I was about to round up to 33. I do that starting around January every year even though my birthday isn't until August.

9. Favorite drink? Well this is hard. Depends on the category. For coffee I like a toffee nut latte, but usually order a sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte because it's better for you. For lunch I drink water, but don't care for it much. I love wine with dinner - all kinds, never met a varietal I don't like. And then there's juice. Love juice. Hate soda pop.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? I suppose tennis if I had to pick something to watch, but ESPN rarely is on in my house. Actually, the one thing I'll tune into every year on that station is the Kentucky Derby. I know nothing about horseracing, but love the southern grandeur of the sport. Takes me back to my time in the south.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Uh, duh - every 12 weeks Preston takes me back to my baby blonde! And then there was the red phase. Very Desperate Housewives and very fun. I love hair color.

12. Pets? None now, no time for proper care and I suspect I'd starve a pet because I'm never here and hardly ever go to the grocery store.

13. Favorite food? Another ridiculous question. Like favorite drink. I'll answer with my familiar "if I was going to be executed tomorrow, what would I order" answer -- a cheeseburger with American cheese.

14. What was the last movie you watched? Catch & Release on HBO on-demand. It was watchable. Not fantastic but good for a low-key Friday night. Wouldn't pay for it in the theater, but at home it was fine.

15. What's your favorite day of the week? Saturday afternoon & Sunday morning.

16. How do you vent anger? I cry. I write on here. I cry some more.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Didn't really play with toys, I was a reader. Favorite childhood books are a complete other list. I'll start w/ the Dancing Shoe books by Noel Streatfield. And Nancy Drew. Loved Nancy Drew. Wanted to be Nancy Drew.

18. What is your favorite season? Fall - October.

19. Hugs or kisses? Kisses.

20. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries. Can't stand blueberries.

21. Living arrangements? By myself in my teeny little apartment.

22. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.

23. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes. Many many many shoes.

24. What did you do last night? Went out to dinner for a good friend's birthday.

25. Favorite smells? Too hard to narrow down so I'll go with my new favorite perfume - Hesperides by Fresh.

26. What are you afraid of? Getting trapped.

27. Favorite dog breed? Small mutts. (I know, not a breed. Not a "brand" either)

28. How many states have you lived in? Two - California & Louisiana.

29. Favorite holiday? Halloween. Fourth of July is a close second.