Victims of our own success?
Just because you can, does it mean that you should?
Lately, I've been observing that many people around me seem to be victims of their own success. I see people becoming "successful" in their chosen professions who I don't believe are consciously making that decision because it is something that will make them happy. Everyone tells them "you can do this," "you're good at this," "I can't imagine you not doing this." It becomes an identity. The longer one wears an identity the more ingrained it becomes. For some, the identity is a well worn, comfortable current iteration of life-long labels -- "A-student," "star intern," "on track," "on the path," "future leader," etc . . . To step back and do something that challenges these labels is petrifying. Surely becoming average would be disappointing to so many people. What would one even say to explain? What if there's no good reason for why it is that you just don't want to anymore? How do you explain yourself without sounding lazy? Without sounding ungrateful? Without sounding like you're selling yourself short? These questions are probably the reason why we do become victims of our own success. Rather than evaluate what will actually bring happiness, it's easier to be consistent and to maintain our self-image. But does anyone else really care?
Lately, I've been observing that many people around me seem to be victims of their own success. I see people becoming "successful" in their chosen professions who I don't believe are consciously making that decision because it is something that will make them happy. Everyone tells them "you can do this," "you're good at this," "I can't imagine you not doing this." It becomes an identity. The longer one wears an identity the more ingrained it becomes. For some, the identity is a well worn, comfortable current iteration of life-long labels -- "A-student," "star intern," "on track," "on the path," "future leader," etc . . . To step back and do something that challenges these labels is petrifying. Surely becoming average would be disappointing to so many people. What would one even say to explain? What if there's no good reason for why it is that you just don't want to anymore? How do you explain yourself without sounding lazy? Without sounding ungrateful? Without sounding like you're selling yourself short? These questions are probably the reason why we do become victims of our own success. Rather than evaluate what will actually bring happiness, it's easier to be consistent and to maintain our self-image. But does anyone else really care?
posted by LuLu at
10:11 PM
1 Comments:
Stepping back isn't becoming average. In fact, maybe staying put is more average - it is certainly a lot easier in some ways. It takes a lot of courage to step off the track. And as for being ungrateful - who exactly earned your gratitude? Sure, there are people who have supported you - but do you think they would stick their necks out (in the world's most risk adverse profession) if you hadn't earned it? Remember that you are talking about an economic relationship, not a friendship.
You are great about encouraging people to do what makes them happy - you should feel good about taking your own advice. I know what it's like where you work - it is easy to get sucked into the vortext of "we are the best place to work and we are the smartest people doing what we do." It is heady to be included on that list. But it is/they are so self-congratulatory, right? And there are so many other ways to be successful - within and without the structure of that kind of place. And I know you know that - you give the same advice.
Anyway, to offer a variation on your opening words - just because you can take control of your life DOES mean you should. Ultimately, that is (to me, at least) a more appropriate standard of success. Whatever happens from your request, I think it is amazing that you took your life back.
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