I didn't start with a title this time.

A friend recently commented that being single and being in a relationship is basically exactly the same thing, or two halves of the same whole. She has a point, I think. We all live our individual lives and things happen to each of us independently of the other, if there is one (an other, I mean). Jobs - new ones, promotions, demotions, all of the daily ups and downs happen to us independently. Our interactions with our friends happen independently. Even our relationships happen independently if you stop and think about it. We can be happy with each other. Perhaps for a short time, perhaps for a long time. But if we stop being happy, then that happens independently too, in most cases. Maybe both are unhappy, but the feeling is isolating. And individual. My life doesn't really look so different from the coupled either. At the end of the day, I call a close friend to meet for dinner or to meet at the gym, etc . . . I imagine the conversations among the marrieds aren't that different from mine "would you like to meet after work, shall I make dinner, etc . . ." The players may be different, but the day to day remains the same.

Why then, do we long for the connection with someone else. Why do we all envy the blissful coupled state? What keeps us seeking that, no matter how independently, no matter how old we get or how long we've been with someone. I hope that the answer has something to do with it being really nice to have someone else care about you. I remember what that was like. I long for that again. I miss the people that have cared about me and who have moved on. Not the individuals themselves, but the being cared about part. The being loved part. And there are some I do miss in particular. You're not supposed to say that. It's considered crazy to still love someone and to still hope that one day you'll be with him again. It's even crazier to hope for it when you know it's next to impossible given the circumstances, and given that he never really was yours to begin with.