Not so lucid thoughts on work . . .

Do you ever want a job sometimes that you can just put away at the end of the day? At 5pm? And walk to the subway and just go home and not think about anything again until the next morning? For the last two weeks, I've been obsessed with a motion I'm filing tomorrow. It's 12:45 in the morning, and I just got off the phone with the paralegal (who is unfortunately still at work doing the finishing touches). I've been repeatedly checking my email ever since I left the office only a few hours ago to make sure that "everything is still going fine." This kind of hyper-worry makes me crazy. I can't let it go, and there's no way I'm sleeping for a few hours unless I take some NyQuil ('cause it helps you get your zzzz's . . .). Despite this, I can't say I would want to be doing something else. There's a bit of an adrenaline rush that comes from finishing up a big project that has you at the office to all hours. This time too, lots of us were there, so there was that tired camaraderie that comes with late nights and a shared experience. I also like winning -- and I think I'm going to do that again with this one. Kind of sick, isn't it? I suppose it's fortunate I feel this way because I think this would be an incredible drain otherwise. Lately I've been feeling like I'm finally settling into this as my career. I knew I wanted it a long time ago -- got off the track for a few years to make sure I wasn't missing something else -- came back and "went for it" during law school. Then I started this gig and suddenly wasn't sure that I made the right choice. This is hard a lot of the time. I see people leave work at 5 when I'm going for my second cup of coffee of the afternoon at Starbucks. I wonder if they have fuller, richer lives than I do. I like to think I don't compromise on anything -- that what I lack in "free evenings" I make up for by not sleeping and packing in events and people. I rarely sit at home and tend to operate under the theory of "I'll sleep when I'm dead." I don't know if I am. I hope not. But at least I feel like I've hit a point of contentment that I haven't felt in years. Are any of you similarly conflicted?