Eponine & The Big Loves

I should probably be tired of blogging on this topic by now, but somehow it manages to consume much of my late night thinking so here I go again.

I recently saw for what was probably the 10th time, the musical Les Miserables and I found myself again tearing up at the scene where Eponine watches Marius choose Cosette instead of her because this scene has replayed itself over and over in my past. There was Marius #1 who chose to leave me after many years together to marry someone else. And Marius #2 who did not love me the way I loved him and who chose to move on with another life that did not include me. And Marius #3 who was never available to love me in the first place and I loved him anyway and still do. Each time my heart broke and I was again “on my own.”

I find it ironic that despite the fact that I have loved deeply and for much of my adult life, I seem to frequently be the object of pity from the coupled among us. In my life, I have loved more often and perhaps more deeply than many people. Just because I have not had the Hollywood ending does not mean that my experiences are any less valid. This will probably be perceived as defensive. I don’t mean it that way. I just get tired of the pity because the screenplay that is my life is really much more dramatic than the surface story presents.